We hear so much about things being hard—and how often goals take more effort, time, and money than we expect. And often, life does seem that way. But, is this always true?

I remember thinking, this past fall, that we’d need to start brushing my son William’s teeth. I was dreading it. He only had four teeth, so we’d been getting by with wiping them with wet gauze after his evening bottle. But William hated the gauze wipe so much. Every evening, he struggled and cried while I tried to pull the gauze over his four little teeth as fast as possible. Meanwhile, a popular e-mail thread in my mother’s group detailed other mothers’ attempts to make tooth brushing bearable for their toddlers. All this made me even more apprehensive about the switch to brushing his teeth.

But, finally, buoyed up by discovering I didn’t have to teach William to rinse or spit out toothpaste (toddler toothpaste can be swallowed!), I decided to make the move. I bought a little toddler toothbrush and strawberry-flavored toothpaste from Tom’s of Maine. I lifted William onto his stepstool and told him we were going to brush his teeth.

And, to my surprise, it was easy! He opened his mouth and accepted the toothbrush. He gummed the toothbrush happily (loving that strawberry toothpaste!) and cooperated while I brushed his teeth.

It was a lesson for me. I thought of the times that I’d dreaded something on my “to do” list—and put it off and put if off—only to find, when I finally did it, that it was surprisingly fast. The avoidance had caused much more agony than the action.

It’s important to remember this about life: The universe is much bigger than we can comprehend, and we can’t know everything that will happen. Growth and progress don’t always happen in linear or expected ways. Sometimes things are easier than we expect.

Sometimes we imagine that someone will oppose or reject us—and instead they welcome us with open arms. Sometimes a client signs on immediately or gets excited about an idea right away. Sometimes, instead of inching along, our business grows with leaps and bounds. Or, instead of struggling in relationships like we have before, we meet the right person and everything opens up. Sometimes serendipity seats us on a plane beside the person who will help bring our vision to life.

Your Career After Parenting: Creating a Life You Love

Did you fail to make any new year’s resolutions this year? Or do you already feel your resolutions fading? Do you feel as if an opportunity to grow and create a better life is slipping away? It’s not too late to make 2014 all that you hope for.

The fact is, resolutions just don’t work for many people–including me. So instead, I want to share a New Year’s practice that I’ve found helpful: creating a “theme” for the year.

Why create a theme for the year

Your theme is all about the way you want to BE and FEEL in the coming year. (Possible themes could be courage, gratitude, creativity, abundance, love, spirit, power, healing, persistence, clarity, laughter, ease, curiosity, respect, fun… and more.) Unlike a long list of unrelated resolutions, which is hard to remember, your theme connects all your goals by identifying one fundamental quality that will help you reach your goals. Once you have your theme, you commit to approaching each day and each action with that theme. Achieving your goals can flow naturally from that way of being.

Here’s my experience from the first time I used a new year’s theme: At the beginning of 2012, I was recently married and had just found out I was pregnant. I knew there were big things coming that year: finding, buying, and renovating a house; moving; transitioning from an intense corporate advertising job into self-employment; and of course, growing a baby, going through labor and birth, and becoming a mother. I knew it could be an incredibly stressful year. I also knew I didn’t just want to push through everything, straining myself and my health: I wanted to move through it easily and have it all flow. So “FLOW” became my theme for the year.

In everything I did, I stayed conscious of connecting to a state of flow and the belief that it all could flow. And, though I believe in this type of work, even I was surprised at the results. I didn’t feel overwhelmed by stress or overtaken by a never-ending to do list. I moved through all the transitions—and led a copy team in an advertising launch, finished a draft of a story collection, and launched a new website for my writing and coaching business. Though there was a tremendous amount to be done, and though there were difficult things to face (including a difficult, complicated labor and a postpartum period that was much tougher than I expected), through it all, I continued to feel a sense that I was flowing through my life, moving in a way that was aligned with my heart and supported by the universe and the people in my life. I hadn’t expected that this process could be so profound or effective, but it was. My theme connected me back to the fundamental flow I wanted to experience, and everything else flowed from that.

How to create your theme for the year

1. What’s missing?

Look at the different areas of your life (career/life purpose, money, health, romantic relationship, friends and family, personal growth/spirituality, play and fun, physical environment). Was anything unsatisfying or missing in those areas?

2. What do you want?

Now write down what you want in your life this year. What are your goals? Big or small—put it all down.

3. How do you want to feel and be?

Ask yourself: What quality do you need to activate in yourself to reach those goals? How would you like to feel as you move towards those goals? List all the words that describe how you want to feel and be in the coming year.

4. Choose a theme for the year

Now, look over your list (from #3). Choose one word that resonates with you and truly sums up how you want to be in the coming year. Say your word aloud. See how it feels. Close your eyes and imagine yourself moving through 2014 with that quality alive inside you. How does it feel? If it feels good, and if it feels right, that’s your theme! (If you want, send me a message letting me know your theme for 2014. I’d love to know! :-))

5. Live your theme!

Write your theme and pin it up where you can see it. Feel it in your body. If you want, you can dance it or create a vision board with images that evoke this theme. Most importantly, keep your theme in mind as you move through each day and moment—really try to embody this quality and live your life from this theme. Good luck, and may 2014 bring you all the blessings of the theme you choose.

In my last post, I talked about the importance of celebration–and how crucial it is to success. If you’re wondering what or how to celebrate, here are some thoughts!

What to celebrate

You can celebrate anything that feels like an accomplishment, brings you joy, or gives you satisfaction. Nothing is too small! In fact, one of the keys to success, fulfillment, and joy is to acknowledge yourself—not just for the huge successes but for the small, everyday victories.

Here’s what you could celebrate:

• Sending an e-mail you were avoiding
• Writing a page of your novel
• Connecting authentically with a new acquaintance
• Approaching someone about your documentary
• Helping your baby sleep through the night
• Hitting your monthly sales target
• Sorting through the pile in the corner of your room
• Nailing the presentation to the big shot investor
• Signing on a new client
• Getting a favorable mention in the press
• Reupholstering an old piece of furniture
• Receiving a compliment from someone you respect

How to celebrate (in ways big and small)

• Sit quietly and let yourself feel the joy of what you’ve accomplished
• Send celebratory texts to people who love and support you
• Take yourself for a refreshing walk in the middle of the day
• Get a massage
• Treat yourself to a class you’ve been wanting to take (yoga, kickboxing, capoeira, scuba, photography, cooking, skydiving… the possibilities are endless)
• Invite friends over for celebratory drinks
• Dance to a “victory song” (you know, a song that celebrates your accomplishment and awesomeness!)
• Dance with your baby or child
• Dance with your grandmother or grandfather
• Dance with yourself!
• Take yourself out to dinner
• Treat yourself to a weekend getaway
• Pick out a gorgeous flower. Plant it in your yard—or on a favorite windowsill
• Write a happy letter (or e-mail) to a friend
• Go for a celebratory bike ride
• Look in the mirror and tell yourself how awesome you are

…you get the idea!

It’s harvest time!

At the end of each growing season, our agricultural ancestors brought in yams or rice, sheaves of wheat and baskets of apples, ears of corn or tomatoes off the vine.

Today, for those of us who don’t farm, the idea of harvest can seem meaningless. And yet, it’s a key to success. Because here’s what harvesting is really about: taking the time to savor, celebrate, and enjoy what you’ve accomplished.

I used to think celebration was a waste of time. Believing it was the best way to improve myself, I almost always focused on what was wrong—and rarely celebrated what was right. Also, as soon as I achieved something, I was on the next step. I thought this was a virtue. “I’m a hard worker, and I have high standards. I’m too good to celebrate that little stuff—I’ll celebrate when I do something that’s really impressive.”

What I didn’t realize was that by failing to celebrate, I was actually holding myself back.

By not celebrating my small accomplishments—and immediately focusing on the next thing to do, I created a life of never feeling satisfied with myself. Of always being short of the goal.

The result? Despite getting into great schools, publishing articles and stories, and creating a life where I could work for half the year and spend the rest of my time writing fiction, staying at artists’ colonies, and traveling to research for my stories… none of my accomplishments ever felt good enough.

This made it hard to stay motivated. I constantly procrastinated to avoid the risk of failure. I often felt dejected, which kept me from going all out for my dreams.

But, in recent years I’ve learned the value of taking time to “enjoy the harvest”—to acknowledge all that I’ve done well and to celebrate all the blessings in my life.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

• When I take the time to notice and celebrate all that’s good, I’m often surprised at how much I’ve forgotten to give myself credit for.
• Celebrating the good moments gives me the “joy reserve” to get through the tough periods.
• Remembering what I’ve accomplished gives me the courage to keep moving forward.
• Allowing myself to truly and deeply harvest—to feel the celebration at every level of my body and mind, heart and soul—stops the negative soundtrack in my head and lets me trust that all will be well.